Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
