sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
