Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
