My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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