Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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