I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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