I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
