I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
