I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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