I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
