It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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