This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
