If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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