Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
