How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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