He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
