You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
