2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
