he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
