i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
