i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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