i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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