my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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