My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
