yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
