Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
