Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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