I must be too annoying 4 u.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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