dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the liver wants what the liver wants
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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