It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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