If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Even my vagina gasped.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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