I'm really into asian looking animals
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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