weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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