had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
