my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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