This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
