We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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