something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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