so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
