ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm at about main and main street
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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