if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
