When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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