What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
