A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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