If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
