he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
