I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
