My first STD was from a foam party
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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