Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
