I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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