why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
