Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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