whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
